Week 717: Pitch Us a No-Hitter Squid meringue pie What adorable garbage! The rabbi's favorite oyster stew Please play your bagpipes some more! This week's contest is guaranteed to produce original results. A Googlenope -- the term was coined by The Washington Post Magazine's Gene Weingarten in a recent column -- is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits: In other words, that word combination has never appeared in the searchable online universe. It's very easy to come up with something unique (although it's amazing what's already out there). But you need to come up with something so clever and funny that it deserves a prize. Cleverer and funnier than the examples above, which were indeed Googlenopes at press time. This week: Send us some genuine Googlenopes. Twenty-five entries max per entrant, and please double-space your list if it's long -- there's just one li'l ol' Empress reading these things. And if we were you, we wouldn't then post that phrase online in the next couple of weeks, you know? Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives, courtesy of Loser Peter Metrinko, a Candy Hose Nose, a nose you place over your own nose, and then squeeze "Slime Candy gel from the nose hole" -- we guess "nostril" was a little too technical -- "onto your tongue." Don't sneeze! Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 18. Put "Week 717" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 8. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's contest was suggested by Brendan O'Byrne of Regina, Saskatchewan. Today's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart of Washington. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland. Report From Week 713, in which we printed these three cryptic paintings by famed Loser Artist Fred Dawson, and asked you to title and explain them. We also, finally, asked Fred himself. We include his own titles and comments below, condensed from a diary he wrote at the time he painted the artworks in 1970. 4. PAINTING B: "Opped Out": Here's that classic optical illusion: Is it a face or a heavy guy in a suit folding napkins into boomerangs while wrapped in lunch meat? Well, then squint harder. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis) 3. PAINTING C: "Vampirism Sucks": It's so hard to shop for your summer wardrobe after you've been bitten. (Chuck Koelbel, Houston) 2. The winner of the genuine Fred Dawson Painting Style Invitational U.S. postage stamps: PAINTING A: "Temporal Paradox": Expressing the eternal frustration of not being able to correct past mistakes, Dawson uses the newly invented chronophone to call himself on prom night. But alas, he cannot avert disaster with "Fertile Myrtle" Mandelblatt. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn) And the Winner of the Inker PAINTING B: "Father Mackenzie, Darning His Socks in the Night When There's Nobody There": The artist stunningly answers the existential Liverpudlian conundrum "All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" by showing the Father both figuratively and, seemingly, literally "inside" Eleanor Rigby. (Glen Crawford, Germantown) For the Easelly Amused PAINTING A "Dad Gum It": It took several calls, but they finally buried tycoon William Wrigley the way he wanted: in a gumball machine. (Jay Shuck) "Are You There, God. It's Me, George": The president tries to reach God to find out what to do next, but due to an orange security level, only gets through to Tucker Carlson. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.) "Alfred's Warning": Alfred appears on the Visi-Bat-Phone to warn Bruce Wayne of the Foggy Black Monster looming over Bruce's head and drooling on him. (Mike Dailey, Chantilly) "Dude Defending a Stare Case": On the phone, a Washington attorney informs his client that he'll get the stalking charges dropped, if only he'll stop eyeballing him. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf) "Time to Reorder": Noticing some wear and tear on the boss's picture on his stand-up punching bag, Fred orders up a replacement. (Roy Ashley, Washington) "Crime and Punishment": My model for the man in the circle was Homer Van Meter, one of John Dillinger's gang. The other man was one of the FBI agents who pursued them. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville) * * * PAINTING B "Now Push": A baby catches his first sight of life on the outside. Much debated is the significance of the downward glance of the grandmother: Does it symbolize her desire to finish the knitted sock and "not give one more penny to those thieves at Baby Gap" or simply her reticence at staring at her daughter's hoo-ha? (Josh Tucker, Kensington) "Not Much of a View": Rosie O'Donnell sits alone and showless. (Russell Beland, Springfield) "Bibbidy Bobbidi Bootie": After searching the entire village for the owner of that abandoned stocking, the prince's squire wandered -- at last! -- into the office of Cinderella's gynecologist. (Jay Shuck) "Sperm's Eye View": The spermatozoa had no idea that the uterus employed a goalie. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) "Newspaper Budget Crunch": No longer able to order Style Invitational Inkers, T-shirts, Mugs and Magnets, the Empress tears out paper L's for prizes. (Drew Bennett, Alexandria) "The Grandmother": The woman's grotesque size makes her formidable. She's given life but dominates those she gave it to. As a whole this picture shows the glorification of life at its most extreme. (Fred Dawson) * * * PAINTING C "Choices": A bittersweet commentary on the decisions we make in life. The young woman emerges from one doorway only to find that the alternative doorway has been painted over; it's gone. The paths we follow are all too often one-way; there's no going back. Also, it's about sex. (Jon Milstein, Falls Church) "The Glass Hallway": This painting depicts the frustration of women who cannot even move laterally in the workplace. (Chuck Smith) "Reality Checked": Edward Hopper's model was horrified to discover she'd accidentally wandered into that abstract expressionist house down the block. (Jay Shuck) "Hello. Have You Seen a Woman With White Face, Red Hair, Scary Mouth and Little Claw Hand? I'm Her Daughter, Girl With Brown Hair, Baby-Poop-Colored Dress and Matching Pumps, and Arm in a Sling. Please Don't Slam Your Door in My Face Again. Hello?" (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.) "The Jaded One": The larger area could be the woman's thoughts about a dull, colorless world. Or the rectangle could represent a prison in reality. It might also be a pretty picture, like my mother said. (She also said, "It reminds me of when I had the arthritis.") (Fred Dawson) Next Week: Amalgamated Steal, or A Case of Corporate Breed